Plague

  Batman and Stalker must stop Kobra from releasing a deadly virus.
  Original Airdate: April 15, 2000
  Episode # 33
  Rating: * 1/2

So there's this guy called "Falseface," see, and he can change his face by rubbing his hands over it, and he's working for this group called Kobra who all dress up in snakeskin costumes, and now Stalker's working for the government but he still wants to kill Batman but not just yet, and there's some fights and some chases and Nelson Nash is in it for a few seconds talking about his vacation, and just when you think the whole thing has got to be a put-on, like they're making fun of G. I. Joe, and that at any minute the whole freakin' world is going to expode and crash into the sun and that would be really cool and silly—you realize it isn't a joke and it's supposed to be a serious story, and then you get really depressed and wanna eat Hohos until you feel better.

Sorry for the really lame analysis here, folks. But there are some days when the ambition to write a thorough and searching critique of a Batman episode palls and the author is overcome by the desire to just be a smartass. To be honest, that temptation happens more often than you might think. I wasn't born a critic, you know. Or, more accurately, I wasn't born with the kind of university degree that enables my inner twelve-year-old to couch his abuse in a vocabulary that (I hope) might persuade Bruce Timm and his fellow artists not to just punch my lights out should they ever corner me in an elevator. Thus, "sucks donkey balls" becomes "gravely disappoints," and "fooled me into calling the cable company and asking them to unsubscribe me to The Spewing-Vomit-with-Juicy-Rat-Chunks Channel" becomes "caused a dolorous patina, as afflicts the narrators of certain Edgar Allan Poe tales, to suffuse my cheeks, arousing concern in the breasts of my compatriots."

I don't enjoy saying nasty things about any Batman episode, however lame it may be. Occasionally I have to be tough, and I think I'm justified in being tough. On balance, there are far more good episodes than bad in any of the series (and the same goes for Superman and Justice League), and the poorer episodes, when they inevitably crop up, suffer from the comparisons. But even the worst story, it must be said, has more luster than most any episode on any other series. And, the voracious nature of television production being what it is, I bet there have been plenty of times when everyone, including the writers, have known they've got an oozing diaper on their hands but have no choice but to toss it up onto the screen. But when a show sets and then regularly meets or exceeds high standards, I think it worth pointing out those occasions a story just squats down on its haunches and waddles under the bar.

Well, is there anything else I can say about "Plague"? Besides that it gravely disappoints and caused a dolorous patina, as afflicts the narrators of certain Edgar Allan Poe tales, to etc., etc.? Not even some good and undisguised invective? No? Well, again, sorry for the lame essay, folks. I suppose I should just count myself lucky I'm not quite as vulnerable to the same scrutiny as Batman's creators.

Related Episodes
   * Blood Sport
   * Curse of the Kobra
   * Unmasked

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